All serious and shit

I've been drinking tea a lot more lately (last few weeks). If you put cinnamon in it, it makes it smell more festive and holiday-like. Tea also makes a great gift - in fact, I'd go so far as to say it's a gift that keeps on giving. Gifts that keep on giving are, I think, by definition better than gifts that don't. I wonder if a gift has to be functional, in some widely accepted sense, to be capable of continuously giving. I'm getting far too into my own word play here and so I'm going to take a step back. Done.

A lot of people I know, who don't live with or right near their families, are going home to visit their families at the end of this week. I wonder what it is like for "coming home for the holidays" to be this big dramatic thing, and then being all like "Well, that experience is over. Now I'm going back to my own personal life."

Having things in small quantities makes them more enjoyable. Even things that we like to have tons of, because they are so gratifying, are definitely better in small doses. And having long stretches in between these small doses make them all the more gratifying.

I'm going to relate this to presents. Getting a ton of Christmas presents devalues each individual one, makes it seem less unique and interesting, by comparison to the others. Getting a really sweet single present feels better than getting a handful. It's fun to develop fantasies about how a new present will integrate itself into your daily life. This process begins of course well before the moment of acquisition of the gift.

Here I come to a problem in my train of thought thus far. It is well established that thinking or fantasizing about a present or whatever causes individuals to be ultimately disappointed when they actually have it there in front of them. The anticipation is the best part, etc., etc. What causes this problem?

Is it that the present can never be as good as the receiver hoped it would be?
Is it that the present becoming part of the receiver's life makes it somehow less appealing (exotic)?

I like the possibilities raised by the first of these two questions more.

In thinking about a gift, present, acquisition, whatever you want to call it; a new thing you are receiving into your life, one tends to hope that the object (i hate using this word but i can't think of a substitute) will satisfy some desire, some hunger, some sense that something is missing. The reasons for believing the object will do this can be reasonable, completely unreasonable or even unexplored/inexplicit.

That desire, however, is always there, every day, even after a huge meal or a drinking binge or a shopping spree or a 76 hour marathon sex session. These extreme things may be capable of disorienting and distracting one from the desire very temporarily but the bigger the indulgence, the bigger the feeling of emptiness that follows it. The problem is never with the present. You can and do enjoy the present. It can be and is often as good as you had hoped it would be. But it is our curse to never be satisfied. No matter how many wonderful things we have in our life we can never be satisfied.

Even as I type this above statement I don't really believe it, or perhaps, it is merely that I don't want to believe it. It seems to me that life has persisted due to the FORCE propelling it towards self-advancement and proliferation. If this DRIVING FORCE could be satiated, then it very well might mean the end of the evolutionary branch for whatever species pulled it off.

I deal with my desires by focusing them on things that seem impossible to achieve or acquire or earn.

I think the element of surprise somewhat offsets the disenchantment that comes with receiving something. If you KNOW what you're getting in advance, then it's more likely to be a bit of a letdown to actually have it in your hands. If you're totally blindsided, you haven't worked out all the implications of having it already, it's that feeling of disorientation that comes from overindulgence before you've even indulged. Having "possession" of something and THEN slowly realizing how great it is and how it might enrich your life is a different, mysterious process.

Learning to get what you want
v.
Learning to want what you've got

My philosophies full of holes. Like donuts.